A Match She Did Not Choose

Zaynab bint Jahsh was of high standing in Quraysh. Her mother, Umaymah bint 'Abd al-Muttalib, was the Prophet's ﷺ aunt, and her brothers included 'Abdullah ibn Jahsh, who would fall as a martyr at Uhud. She accepted Islam early and emigrated to Madinah. Her name had been Barrah, "the pious one", and the Prophet ﷺ changed it to Zaynab, disliking that a person should seem to praise herself (Sahih Muslim 2142).

In Madinah the Prophet ﷺ asked for her hand — not for himself, but for Zayd ibn Harithah, the freed slave he had raised as a son. For a woman of her lineage, marriage to a former slave went against everything her society valued, and the commentators report that she and her brother were at first unwilling. They relate that the Qur'an then said: ﴿وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ﴾ (“It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should have any choice in their affair”) (33:36). She consented.

The marriage was not a happy one. Zayd came to the Prophet ﷺ more than once to complain, and each time he was told, ﴿أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ زَوْجَكَ وَاتَّقِ اللَّهَ﴾ (“Keep your wife, and fear Allah”) (Sahih al-Bukhari 7420).